The Siler City Piggly Wiggly has discontinued the only brand of pimento cheese worth eating. This is not a drill. The shelf is bare and the manager "doesn't see what the fuss is about."

The fuss, dear reader, is everything. There are approximately three things that hold this county together: high school football, the unspoken agreement to wave at everyone you pass on a two-lane road, and pimento cheese. Remove one of those pillars and the whole structure trembles.